Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
