i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
