what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize