I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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