i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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