My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
