i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
