I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
