Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
