Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
