i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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