Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
