you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
