New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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