this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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