So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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