what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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