At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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