You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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