I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
