The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
