The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
