Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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