dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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