come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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