i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
