I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am spending my child support on dildos
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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