I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
