I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
