I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
