Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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