You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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