remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
