My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
