he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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