she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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