We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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