I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
