Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
