Ambien. No doubt about it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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