I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
