Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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