Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love you. Go after that dick
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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