sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
