Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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