she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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