1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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