last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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