dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
