Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
