you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
