I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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