I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
