I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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