There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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