his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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