She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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