ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
