Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
