It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
